Cost of Lonely
The drive for human connection is powerful. Perhaps one of the strongest forces driving human motivation. It is a primal force documented in humanity’s oldest writings.
And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone…” – Genesis 2
Movies frequently pressure this soft spot, and the audience can’t help but feel immense empathy for the protagonist. One of the most memorable examples is Cast Away. We were all gutted when Wilson was lost to the sea. A volleyball. Probably made in China.
Cast Away is a great movie, in part, because the premise is so believable. Living life alone is torture enough to risk a perilous journey out into the open ocean. No map. No shelter. Scarce food and water. No hope other than luck. Odds of success are pathetically low.
Yet each one of us would abandon a solitary prison for human connection. Even if the prison is a private island paradise.
Statistics bear out that companionship is good for longevity. Pet owners live longer. Married couples live longer. People with children live longer than those without.
Married people with children and pets see diminishing returns, I’m afraid. I cannot confirm this, but it would be hilarious if true. My wife and I would need to consult a cardiologist before we add a pet into the mix.
Loneliness can be detrimental to health. We instinctively seek out companionship like food or water. And just as a person dying of thirst is willing to drink from a putrid water source, we will latch on to anyone to fill this need.
Scammers know this and circle the isolated like vultures waiting for the inevitable moment of emotional collapse. Sadly, technology makes it easy for crooked people and organizations to prey on those suffering from loneliness. It makes vulture work look difficult.
It’s fallen on me more than once to control damage after a person I know falls victim to fraud. Sometimes I’m lucky and stop it before any financial harm is done. Unfortunately, there’s always emotional harm.
Jim, a client, lost his wife three years ago after 45 years of marriage. He spends most of his evenings inside with the shades drawn and the TV on, eating the kinds of meals a WWII soldier would eat on the front lines. When he goes to bed, he’s alone. When he goes on trips, he’s alone. No one is there to tell him his stupid ideas are stupid.
The situation eventually became unbearable, so he sought to remedy this online. Maybe a big mistake? Well, the wife isn’t here to discourage, so here we go!
In a matter of days, Jim was a proverbial online Casanova with woman from all over the globe expressing their admiration and love. They just needed a little help getting inventory through customs for their small jewelry businesses.
But wouldn’t you know it, they forgot to budget for this. It’s a good thing they all recently met Jim, being so forgetful and all.
‘We can meet at the airport and talk about our new life together!’, they would write. At this point, Jim asked his daughters what he should do. They took one bird’s eye view of the situation and did what their mother used to do, called out an idiotic idea when they saw it.
One giveaway was that many of the potential suiters wrote nearly identical emails and had similar back stories.
Jim is a smart guy. He retired from the financial services industry and understands the anatomy of a scam. But he didn’t immediately see this for what it was. He wants to believe his solitude will come to an end. And I hope it does.
In my career, I have seen only a handful of retirement plans fail. All of them were due to poor judgement in emotionally compromised states. The emotional compromise, in every situation, was triggered by the loss of companionship. By loneliness.
Granted, this is just my experience and retirement plans can, and have, fail for many other reasons.
Not everyone can find and maintain intimate partnership for life. Some of us get left behind. There are a few that prefer the solitary life and can manage fine. The point is it’s important to recognize if a longing for partnership is clouding your personal judgement.
The key event that should trigger such an introspection is when an acquaintance requests you transfer money, for any reason. Especially if you’ve never met this person face-to-face, and/or within the last 5 years.
If you’re not lonely, pay attention to those you love who are. If they have named their volleyball(s), that should be your sign to intervene.
The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.
Names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved.
Securities offered through LPL Financial, member FINRA/SIPC. Investment advice offered through National Wealth Management Group, LLC, a registered investment advisor and separate entity from LPL Financial.