Generosity Killed the Cat
Giving does not always have positive outcomes.
Growing up, my family had a tomcat we unceremoniously named ‘Tom’. Unlike most family cats, poor Tom was not brought into the fold out of a yearning for love and companionship.
Tom had a job, and that job was to kill without remorse any rodents that dared cross the human indoor/outdoor barrier. He did his job very well and earned our affection along the way. He bestowed upon us many gifts during his career to demonstrate reciprocity.
Tom got a little carried away though, expanding his territory to include the entire wooded area surrounding the house. Eventually he went full native and just stopped coming home. Supposedly, my dad saw him running around with a band of stray cats one afternoon.
I don’t think this was true, just wishful thinking. Tom was a one-cat army, preferring solitude over company. Chances are, Tom bet his ninth life on a fight he couldn’t finish. He always hated racoons. Something about the eyes.
We were good to Tom. We would care for him, buy him nice things and offer affection that he would accept for a bit, then in a split-second reject with capricious violence. Speaking mostly with his claws, he made sure we didn’t shower him with too much benevolence.
At the end of the day, I think Tom lived his best life. The life a cat wishes for when they stare out the window of a confined space. He was an asset to us and we to him, at least until he found something better in his eyes.
Sometimes we smother the things we love with generosity thinking the gift of comfort is what every creature needs. We are quick to empathize with suffering, which is a good thing for the most part. But this can backfire when we look for expedited solutions to alleviate suffering.
Expedience rarely leads to viability. The first thing that often comes to mind when trying to solve a problem is, “how much money do I need to throw at this?”. It amazes me how quickly we rally around charities when disaster strikes. The strategy? Just pile up a bunch of cash, preferably other peoples’, then figure it out later. Sounds like a situation ripe for grift.
And ultimately the charlatans do appear. Pulling our heart strings so hard that we tip over, spilling our loose change into their collection plates. Sometimes we even give away the golden goose rather than a trivial amount. According to the Federal Trade Commission, Americans lose $8.8 Billion per year to scams and fraudulent charities per year!
The problem goes much deeper than outright fraud once you consider ‘grey area’ gifting. Consider the following: my family buys an unlimited amount of catnip for Tom. That surely would have kept him around longer, but at what cost? Ridiculous, I know, but I often see the human equivalent of this scenario.
There was a client situation I dealt with some time ago in which a family member financially supported another family member going through a rough patch. When the benefactor’s ability to provide financial support came to an end, they suddenly began to find valuables missing in the house. What a coincidence! Let’s just say law enforcement didn’t need to consult Sherlock Holmes.
Generosity should never be about the giver. Be cautious when conferring a gift to someone or an entity simply because it makes you feel good. You may, in fact, be hurting more than helping. This is not to suggest giving shouldn’t feel good, it just shouldn’t be the reason.
Adopting this discipline grants us the ability to be more purposeful with our generosity. The outcome you desire should be defined and clearly communicated. It frees us from emotional blind spots to affect the most positive outcomes. For example, if giving to a charity, you may think to use resources such as Charity Navigator or Charity Watch to cut through the marketing façade. Is that money going to the promised cause?
Seems like giving should be a part of your financial planning process, doesn’t it? Why yes, yes it does. Good thing you know a financial planner.
I believe the best gift you can provide anyone, including yourself, is self-sufficiency. Not becoming someone else’s burden is an honorable goal that requires you to get your own house in order before working on others. In this sense, Tom was a cat wise beyond his years. Perhaps even wise beyond his species.
To some degree, this is a selfish endeavor. A tough pill to swallow for the altruistically minded person. But there is a reason we put our oxygen masks on before helping the person next to us. An important lesson for 737 Max 9 passengers and philanthropists alike.
Fortunately, as the popularity of Instagram implies, most of us have no problem indulging our own interests. While the recklessly generous person isn’t all too common, everyone can benefit from the general message here: don’t be carelessly charitable.
Don’t let your generosity kill the cat.
The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.
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