People say around half of marriages fail, for one reason or another. According to 12/07/2020 census.gov article, in 2019 16.3 women per every 1,000 over age 15 were married while 7.6 were divorced. This equates to a marriage rate of 1.63% with a divorce rate of 0.76%, which puts the marriage success rate at roughly 54%.
Most marriages succeed and every successful marriage involves a fair degree of white-knuckle grit. While I could not find any census statistics on long-term partnerships outside of traditional marriage, my anecdotal experience suggests this holds true here as well.
Like steel repeatedly folded and reheated, these relationships eventually forge into something resembling unity. Admittingly, some require more effort than others requiring the therapeutic equivalent of a sledgehammer. But if you persevere, you will realize one day that your identity is existentially intertwined with your partner. The marriage vows you so cavalierly declared years ago begin to make sense, at least all of them but the last bit about death.
When a relationship gets to this point of cooperation, there is no amount of preparation that can alleviate the suffering of death. It is tragic, pure and simple. A kind of tragedy that clings to your psyche like darkness to the night. It’s like losing an arm, but your arm intimately understood you, reciprocated love and consciously engaged on your level. As my own mother discovered with the sudden loss of my father two years ago, there is no going back to the way things were.
To suffer should not be to despair. Nothing demonstrates how incredibly precious life is more than the acute pain felt by the absence of a life you loved. Your life too, is precious. The first, and most important piece to pick up after you lose your partner is your affirmation of joy. Simply acknowledging that it exists suggests that you can achieve it again.
Next, know that each day you function without your other half you are building on the lessons of the previous day. This is not to say that every day is better. Like an adjusting amputee, you can eventually learn to function or even thrive in the face of the adversity.
It would take a Dr. Manhattan level of emotional disconnect to purge longing for what was from the heart. It’s like the universe banning you from listening to your favorite song. All you have left is a less defined memory of a tune you can’t quite replicate with satisfaction. While your favorite band left the stage, life is full of music and there may be other tunes that resonate with your soul.
Unless collection notices are piling up and you’re about to lose the family business, taking an urgent approach to major financial decisions should be avoided. You cannot avoid this indefinitely, but at least defer until you can process information absent of emotion. Here are the common financial decisions you will likely need to make within the first six months:
1) File insurance claims (life, annuity and health).
2) Claim Social Security and pension survivor benefits. *
3) Transfer your partner’s assets into your name.
*Your Social Security survivor benefit will be the higher of your Social Security Benefit or your Spouses.
There’s a temptation to make significant changes in the aftermath of tragedy in a misguided attempt to find a solution to alleviate the pain. The only solution is adjustment. That or achieve enlightenment. I’m honestly not sure which is easier.
Regardless, resist making major financial decisions with significant consequences immediately and without consulting an impartial trusted third-party. And certainly, do not go on this journey alone. There are financial professionals, me included, that have been down this road before many times. Honest ones will encourage you to wait on decisions until you can process advice without distraction.
The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.
Securities offered through LPL Financial LLC. Member FINRA/SIPC. Advisory Services offered by National Wealth Management Group LLC, an SEC Registered Investment Advisory and separate entity from LPL Financial LLC.